Should I keep it?

Today I had to clean my house. Tuesday’s I usually have a girl come and clean for me, but her son was sick so she had to stay home. I don’t have a ton of money rolling around in my wallet for a maid, I trade with her. I do her nails and pedicures, she cleans my house. I don’t like to refer to her as a maid either, That sounds disrespectful.

ANYWAYyyyy, So while cleaning today I was dusting and had to move these little nic-nacs back and forth, out of the way for dusting, back in their spot when I was done. They are cute little figurines that I’m sure some of you know of, from Willow.

I hate them.

Three little girl figurines that I got from a used to be friend. They are so cute! One’s holding a bunch of flowers, one’s got her hands together in a praying pose, and one is holding a heart. They are the only Willow figurines I have, and they are all from HER.

But I still hate them.

Every time I have to dust under them, I feel hurt and betrayed like the person that gave them to me is digging that knife back into my back a little deeper. I didn’t even end the friendship, in fact I thought we were still friends until things kept being told to me that she had said. We still have common other friends so I don’t think it’s possible that when she says something about me, she thinks I don’t know. No… everything she says to someone else about me is planned, and prepared for my ears to hear. I can only think of one reason she wants to do this, and that is to hurt me. I’d like to say it doesn’t hurt, I’d like to say she can do whatever she wants, I don’t care. I’d also like to shove those little figurines down her throat.

I have thought about boxing them up and shipping them back to her along with the scarf that she made for me, with a letter telling her that I don’t want them anymore because they remind me of a time when I thought she was my friend. I want to tell her I have since found out that she wasn’t my friend, only someone that needed me for certain things and when the time came that I didn’t serve her well enough, she can only berate me, and tell people that I was the one who caused all of our problems.

But I won’t.

I’ll just keep letting her have a fake facebook page to spy on me, I’ll keep letting her say what she wants, I’ll keep letting her send messages through unassuming people just to get to me. And I won’t send her gifts back to her either. (or shove them down her throat.)

I’ll do this because for some sick reason, it makes me feel better that she must be hurt also or she wouldn’t feel a need to hurt me back.

I’m going to take the high road. but that still leaves me with the question, do I have to keep these things hanging around?

I think in the process of writing this post, I have made a decision to throw them out. And her scarf. Yep the scarf is going too.

We’ll call it a spiritual cleansing. Get rid of the things that don’t make me feel good.  Get rid of the things that clutter my mind. Start focusing on what matters.

And she doesn’t anymore.

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